My job has been very stressful but I have been immensely grateful for it. A few weeks ago everything came to a head. I was overworked, overstressed, and my perspective was totally out of focus. This led to me having to make some changes at work. Basically I had to ask to step down from management.
This was hard for me. I mean really hard. I didn't know why this affected me so much but I could not deny the feelings I was having. I felt like a failure and super weak. In conversations with friends and family it became apparent that this change should have brought relief and really wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I was able to cope but still struggled with the whole event.
Then recently I was listening to this last April's conference in my car on my way to work and the following words by Elder Scott came through my speakers as if he were in the seat next to me.
"For spirituality to grow stronger and more available, it must be planted in a righteous environment. Haughtiness, pride, and conceit are like stony ground that will never produce spiritual fruit.
Humility is a fertile soil where spirituality grows and produces the fruit of inspiration to know what to do. It gives access to divine power to accomplish what must be done. An individual motivated by a desire for praise or recognition will not qualify to be taught by the Spirit. An individual who is arrogant or lets his or her emotions influence decisions will not be powerfully led by the Spirit."
It was pride.
President Benson said,
"The proud depend upon the world to tell them whether they have value or not. Their self esteem is determined by where they are judged to be on the ladders of worldly success. They feel worthwhile as individuals if the numbers beneath them in achievement, talent, beauty, or intellect are large enough. Pride is ugly. It says, "If you succeed, I am a failure."
This is the trap I found myself in. This is the trap I am trying to get myself out of.
"The antidote for pride is humility -- meekness, submissiveness. It is the broken heart and contrite spirit."
References
- How to Obtain Revelation - Elder Richard G Scott
- Beware of Pride - President Ezra Taft Benson
