The Loneliness of Change

I forgot how lonely it is to change, to repent, to turn away from past behavior.

You are struggling inside with doubts and insecurities, fears and heartaches, yet there are few if any for you to talk to or who would even understand. There are few who you actually want to even know.

For this reason, you are there. Struggling and enduring in silence. Listening to others tell you of their trials and yearning to help them...as well as yearning to tell them of the mountain you are climbing. Trying with all your might to feel an inkling of love. Yet, something holds you back. Something says "You need to do this. Just you and the Lord."

Their looks of disappointment peer into your soul. The echo of the voices who you are hurting. The thousands of painful, discouraging, and possibly completely true thoughts that creep into your mind of your follies. Yet you must still keep silent. "Just you and the Lord."

They can not make the change for you.

You need to get on your knees and plead for that friendship that will never leave you. The friend who will not judge you before they know all the facts. "Just you and the Lord."

"[...] please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will never forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise." - Elder Uchtdorf